The spicy vindaloo testing his bravery will evolve into an epic tale. If he finishes it. The heat sears his mouth, & unchewed meat slips down his scorched gullet. An intubation of horror; he’ll never speak again. Small price for foodie heroism.

–My body long consumed by bookworms & my soul ensorcelled inside the OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY, I tweet coded pleas for release. HELP ME! Weary now, I browse on pages, split infinitives, weird some spellings, & multiply homonyms to fox your spellcheck.

Taking liberties was their game. Started w/ tweaking girls’ breasts, moved on to bogus claims of sexual conquest, date rape, & eliminating women’s right to choose. A female inventor came up w/ new tech: the handy-dandy appendage secatur. Problem solved. (Game over.)

Household loss–books, hair clips, my 3 Musketeers notes–misplaced or stolen by house goblins? I’d go with goblins, cunning little suckers and mean. They scatter cushions, lure mice inside for cat torment, spam the phone, & tune the TV to Fox News.